Saturday, March 10, 2012

I'm Not REALLY This Angsty...

I've always had a bit of a strange relationship with the circle of friends I am closest to. I thought things had changed when I moved off to college, but as time goes on I see patterns reemerging.

Often I find that I am some crazy force of adhesion. I have a knack for pulling friends together for a small gathering or mini-reunion, at least, when nobody has anything better to do. Sometimes it fails horribly, but I think they usually go pretty well. Perhaps it's only because I have the highest initiative (hah!) among these groups, or perhaps I have some quality that allows me to do this. I'm not sure, honestly.

Despite this though, I feel like I always end up being the smallest voice in a group. I am the butt of most jokes. Nobody gives any credence to my ideas or opinions. Nobody takes me seriously. Nobody takes my side.

This only happens when I'm in a group, but it's a repeat occurrence. So now I have to wonder, what is it about myself, what aspect of my personality causes people to behave this way toward me? Why?

And the gender jokes. I am so tired of them. I'm fine with them up to a point, but there's just too many. After awhile they just make me seethe. They make me want to fucking hole up in my house and never talk to people again.

And my god, the unsolicited advice. I've always had a bit of trouble accepting advice from others. As a matter of fact, few things aggravate me more than unsolicited advice. I suffer from a pretty bad case of "fuck you don't tell me what to do." This isn't to say that I'm so arrogant that I never take anyone's advice period, I can think of many times which I have, but they're more often than not occasions in which I asked for a second opinion. I recognize that such things are usually well-intentioned, but personally, I just think there are some instances in which people just shouldn't offer advice, especially on topics in which they are not educated or experienced. You don't know better than me.

Do I expect too much of people? I feel like I get treated like shit more often than I deserve, but I don't know if I'm in the right or if I'm just being a bitch or something.


  1. Things that needed to be said. I agree with your points. Just curious though, is it possible that when you consider yourself the "butt of most of the jokes", the joker did not intend malice e.g. to make fun of you but just pick on you? Picking on others tends to be a form of flirtation that a lot of people direct towards the people they like (in both the friendly sense and more sexual).

    1. I'm fairly certain I can recognize teasing that is friendly or flirty in nature. In that passage I am referring to instances in which that is not the case.

      Thank you, though. I think you might be the only person that reads my blog.

      ...Do you have one?

  2. I asked because occasionally I confuse the two.

    Well, I hope not, it is a good blog! Worthy of many readers [I mean, at least 2 <-- joke]. Perhaps I am just the only one that comments. I can be a bit outspoken on the internet, a quiet introvert in real life, difference in medium I suppose.

    ... I do... have not posted anything new or by me in a while and I don't know that I have ever posted anything good, I kind of prefer my paper journal closed and secure and private. Seems to be where the decent material goes. Fair is fair though, I'll link it on my nom de plume. Also have this youtube channel, not much on it though:

  3. People will treat you the way you let them treat you if someone says something you dont like well stick up for yourself and dont be afraid to it'll go as far as you want it... Unless you have really jerk friends heh.